this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
