um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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