I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
