There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
