Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
