This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
