She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
