I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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