i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
