I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
