thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
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Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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