the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
