you're like a bully in the Christmas story
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
