I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
