The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
