I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
