No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
