I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
