I'm eating all of the evidence.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
