You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
