Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Randomize
