the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
