The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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