Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
