It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
