Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
