I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
