i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
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