By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
