What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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