why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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