Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
