She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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