but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
