Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
