i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
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why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
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Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I have post one night stand depression
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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