So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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