The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
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