sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
