I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
