so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
