That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
