literally had 100 drinks last night.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My bed smells like the plague
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