if only i could text you this smell
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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