Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
