Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
tell your sister to shave her snatch
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
