yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
