Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
