i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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