Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
