that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
