Cold hands, warm shart.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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