so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We got so high we made milksteak
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Sext me about skeletons
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
