We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
