Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
