So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
