I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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