There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
