I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
one two three fourrrrnication!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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