if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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