You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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