did you get engaged???
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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