i was born a porn star she said
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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