sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
