dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
