I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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