fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
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sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
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I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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