Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
