the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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