What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
