Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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