Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
