Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
