I am in a vortex of obligation.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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