You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
