Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
