I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
