So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
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