the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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