That's intense
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
