Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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