I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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