This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just invented taco cereal.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
