Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
